A lot of people will try to measure their dick with their iPhones now

milkboys Apps & Games 8 Comments

Apple released an update to iOS, the operating system running on iPhones & iPads, last Monday. Among iOS 12’s new features is the Measure app, which gives people the ability to measure things with their cameras using an “augmented reality” ruler — just point your camera at something and bam! The ruler will measure it. Naturally many people immediately thought about using the Measure app on their penises. But you should know that the Measure app may not be entirely accurate for this kind of measurement.

In one test someone used the Measure app to figure out the dimensions of a picture frame. The frame was 78 centimetres by 101 centimetres, but the app said it was 63 centimetres by 82 centimetres, a nearly 20% difference.

When that same user repeatedly measured a 55-centimetre wooden flute with the Measure app, it gave three different length measurements — 51, 53 and 57 centimetres — each depending on the lighting.

This news comes as a real bummer for guys & girls around the world. Whether you’re insecure or proud of your penis length, odds are that what we’d hoped would be state-of-the-art penis measurement iPhone technology will say your penis is shorter than it actually is! (Which, yeah, could help you catfish guys by adding a few “augmented reality” centimetres, but you wouldn’t do that, would you?)

Perhaps we’ll just have to measure our penises in photographs the old-fashioned way: by comparing them to water bottles, toilet paper tubes and video game controllers. Thanks for nothing, Apple!

Comments 8

  1. “In one test someone used the Measure app to figure out the dimensions of a picture frame. The frame was 78 centimetres by 101 centimetres, but the app said it was 63 centimetres by 82 centimetres, a nearly 20% difference.

    That’s probably appropriate — a 20% deflation of their egos. Here’s the true “state-of-the-art” measurement — get a tape measure or ruler — it will always read the same — no matter what the lighting is..

  2. Penis measurement is at least as old as Kinsey and his sex research, in the 1940’s and 1950’s. Kinsey does such with out photographs nor computers.
    As Penboy says, that, no matter the lighting, a flexible tailors tape measure, or, even, a simple ruler, will suffice as the measuring device for length. The flexible tailors tape measure will easily measure the thickness. [Or, is that, the eventual extending thicknessing ?]
    Why would any one use their e device to measure anything ? That is a thing weird.
    As per size, FLORIAN PODDELKA, the model, with his mere bump, makes $millions.

    1. Angle of light versus camera Angle versus distance versus focus versus some other things. Simply bad photography on those peoples’ parts of their part. —– Save REAL photography for the REAL photographers.
      —- IF you REALLY want to know your size, simply get a ruler, a pen or pencil, and a sheet of paper. GEEZ ! Plop the thing down on a flat, as a table or a bit of cardboard, and make a mark to find what length to measure. Fold the paper over the thing and mark the thick. See internet for comparisons.
      — BEER CAN SIZE things are unusual and worth money. ha ha ha ha ha

    2. Leave the bad photography alone. Leave REAL photography to the REAL photographers.

    3. “Btw. what amount of light gives 20% addition?”

      When it’s dark enough to not be able to read the numbers. Or, too drunk to know the difference between cm and inches.

  3. Don’t think I would have thought of this…until I read this post. Of course I had to give it a go…bummer :/

  4. Using electric devices to measure things is as new as, well, electric devices. The distance to / of the moon from the earth is not from some measure by way of the astrolabe. Use your device to try measuring things. YES ! DO ! Including your measuring your body and measuring your parts. ELECTRONICS as a SEX TOOL !

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