I’m sick

milkboys Blog 27 Comments

This is going to be a pretty long & very personal post. I understand that many people come here for entertainment and have enough bad stuff going on in their life and I don’t want to add to that burden so consider this a content warning ;) 

I’m sick a lot. I noticed that but didn’t think too much of it since, other than some pretty regular allergy attacks (which I know now weren’t exactly an allergy), it just seemed to be normal, random colds & flus.

It became an issue over the last year or so because it started to have a noticeable impact on my ability to handle life.

I would drag myself to work, come home and be all done and tired after being awake for barely 12 hours just to go to bed and wake up almost on an hourly basis because my whole body is hurting. Getting even simple things done (like grocery shopping, doing the laundry etc) became a daunting task because I could just not muster the energy some days, my body would just not let me.

current level of energy…

In a way I’m really happy that I know now what the issue is because it means I can start fixing it. The prospect is also scary tho (more on that later).

So, the doctor I went to about my last “allergy” attack made some extra tests and he seems to think I have an issue that affects my immune system. It’s not very common which explains why it wasn’t found before, especially because the symptoms themselves aren’t out of the ordinary for less serious issues (symptoms of having a cold, very sensitive skin, having no energy etc).

I don’t really want to get into too many details because to be quite honest with you, I always feel embarrassed talking about being ill/having issues with my body. I don’t know why that is, I know it’s silly but it actually takes a significant amount of “fuck it” for me to even admit in public that there’s something wrong with me.

To get that out of the way tho: While my doctor said that it’s a serious issue, it’s certainly not life-threatening. This is not a “Shit, I might die” post ;)

But! This illness had a huge negative impact on my life and I’m eager to start fixing it. The easy part here is medicine. The harder one that my doctor was very clear that I should, well, basically take extremely good care of myself because my body needs an absolute no-stress phase for a while. He strongly suggested that I stay home and that’s the issue:

As some of you know I was in the process of starting a new job a friend organised for me in his company. I spoke to him today and luckily he was extremely understanding and offered me to start at a later date (in June, so about three months from now), at which point I hopefully will be a lot better if the medicine works as expected.

I’m not quite sure what to do until then financially tho. You guys were so incredibly generous before when I struggled with life in way less serious ways. I don’t want you to think that asking you to do that one more time is like a default for me now, an easy way out so I don’t have to lie awake at night and worry about solving it like most other people have to.

I sat down and looked at my essential monthly costs (rent, water, heating, utility, food, internet and so on and thought about what I can do without (like for example, I can probably live without phone for a while, stuff like that) and then multiplied the costs by three (for three months) and made that my GoFundMe goal. I’m so annoyed at myself for this because I know what that makes me look like, how I come across.

donation link :( 

I will look into other ways of supporting myself during that time though and adjust the goal accordingly to keep it as low as possible. If you happen to be financially worry-free I’m be eternally grateful for your support, as ashamed as I am about it.

That being said, this will be the last time I do this. I will have a job in a few months and it’s about time that I stand on my own feet and I’m optimistic that once I get there, I’ll be able to.

I’ll take care of milkboys during this time since this is something I can do from home and that doesn’t require anything stressful. I actually, and that’s a small silver line, will have more time for it than usual and the site deserves a bit more attention than I gave it recently anyway.

I’ll keep you updated about everything else as it happens. Thanks for reading, you have no idea how much it means and pushes me that some people out there actually care about me even tho we never met. Love you!

Comments 27

  1. We are still unsure what he spent his last gofundme on, we never did get to see the new monitor, or did I miss it?

    I could be more negative about this post, but that would imply I care…but I don’t.

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      1. “You [He] seem to care enough to post comments under several different names tho?”

        I was thinking along that line a couple of months back. Just wasn’t sure. I’m never surprised about that anymore.

        Just for the record, I’ve ALWAYS been and will be [the one and only] “Penboy.” I don’t “need” various “personalities.”

  2. So sorry to hear about what sounds like an awful illness.
    I hope the medication and following the doctors orders work for you.
    x

  3. Josh, send me an email, I would like to talk with you. BTW, do you what a ‘roller coaster’ is?

  4. I am taking a guess here but by chance were you diagnose with Gideon Barra Syndrome? excuse the spelling.

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  5. 😊Get better soon!
    😬Not to make light but I also have problems; I’m old, poor, and grumpy most days of the week plus my wang no longer wants to whack😩…
    Pity me please😈!

  6. Josh – I advise you to get a few things measured by your doctor or preferably by an immunologist. First, antibodies to EBV, HHV6, and CMV. Then also, if you can get a test for it, your NK-cell functioning (30% lytic unit). This will give you some info on your immune system. If you want to test out what might improve the way you feel, you could try taking a lot (50g/day) of whey protein, and also try maitake extract too (up to 5 grams/day) since it has things which boost your immune system, then also d-ribose (in large amounts – 10-20g/day). All are used regularly by people who suffer from immune-related fatigue.

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  7. 1. i worry about u. i hope it’s not in any way near to hiv. do a test.
    2. hope u feel better soon.
    3. i wish i could donate. u know that i can’t because of sanctions against my country.
    4. is it really you in the pic? the boy in the pic is really beautiful.

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  9. I have loads of friends with auto immune diseases. They all had to drastically change their diet for a while to figure out what was effecting them like it has you, but after they did and cut that stuff out of their diet they went back to normal! Best of luck.

  10. Hi Josh! I’m really glad that you found the reason for your health issues and are dealing with them. It’s great to see that the campaign has been so successful and I was happy to contribute. Take good care of yourself and keep us informed!

  11. Josh, I don’t know you and have not communicated with you before, but I just reconnected with Milkboys today after assuming the site went under years ago, so glad to see it is back and sorry to find you ill.

    Please send me your email address. I would like to correspond with you offline. btw, I am a counselor.

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