Can Preferences be racist?

milkboys News & Opinions 44 Comments

This is going to be controversial: In a new episode of MTV Decoded, Dylan Marron tackles an ongoing problem in the gay community: racism. Particularly, the sexual racism found on dating apps.

“When gay men are confronted with their racist language, many try to explain it away as ‘a preference.’” Marron says. “I mean, they can’t help it, it’s just how they feel. As if they were captive to some mystical, romantic force that naturally discriminates against people of colour.”

Before you get all defensive, hear him out: “This is where structural racism comes into play. Because preferences are actually shaped by learned values. When you’re judging a person based solely on their racial background, you’re acting on generalizations you’ve learned to associate with that person’s appearance or heritage. You can’t say it’s their personality because you shut them down before you even got to know them.”

Watch the full video below:

Comments 44

  1. What? Now I have to date every person of a different race then me that asks me out or I’m a racist? Screw that.

    Maybe if men weren’t so persistent with asking “why?” and just accept a simple “no thanks” when asking someone out, they wouldn’t be hearing stuff like this.

    As for dating apps and profiles, they’re asking about the type of person you’re attracted. Different people have different preferences when it comes to race just like they do with gender. If anyone tried telling that guy he was sexist because he doesn’t date women, he’d have a royal fit.

    Maybe instead of taking offense at every little thing, be grateful they’re saving you the time and energy of pursuing someone you wouldn’t have gotten in the first place.

    Also, playing the race card on anyone isn’t a good way to get anyone on a date or in bed (i.e. “What? You don’t date [insert race here] guys?”). It’s a pretty good indicator that you’re a self-centered, manipulative jerk that’s only thinking about themself and not you.

    1. Exactly !
      Insane liberal social engineering at it’s worst, however, typical of millennial’s and the new and so vibrant active school shooter generation.

  2. This is bullshit from beginning to end. MTV needs to shove its exaggerated sensitivity up its arrogant, elitist, condescending, and judgmental ass and go back to being a music video channel.

  3. One perception of the guys in the video seem odd to me:
    It seems to me that sexual (erotic) preferences in general are not racism.
    Statements like “I like brunettes”, “I like big dicks”, “I like hairless guys” are not racist in my mind. They are maybe shallow and in no way include personality, but the mentioned “dating apps / websites” are more likely “finding sex partner apps/websites”. Most people who are looking for a quickie are not looking for a great matching personality.
    Maybe I missed something?

  4. I’ve never read such bullshit in my life. Are you now telling me, and every other right thinking person that sexual preference must now be politicized.

    Look, I don’t fancy my brother, it doesn’t mean I hate him. In fact I probably am not attracted to 90% of my friends and colleagues, again that does not mean I detest them. What the fuck is going on in this world where we are no longer allowed a preference for anything in fear of being labelled a fascist, racist or whatever. Stop telling me and everyone else how to live, what to say and what to think. Is this not what the Nazis did, the very sort of organization which people like you purport to abhor. Let me and other free minded people live our lives.

  5. Fine-tuning preferences in a dating app?
    Heck I’d be happy if I can date even a straight guy or a parsnip!
    I’ll keep my preferences as open as possible and will describe myself as “I am whoever you want me to be.”

    It must be the Facebook effect: Once you’re in, you read only news that match your views and are not objective anymore and stop expanding your culture and understanding of the world.

    Same for dating preferences, you get stuck to some kind of physically ideal partner, or so you think, so you will be highly disappointed most of the time, maybe even if you’re looking only for one night stands, while you might get happily surprised if you are willing to go past this cultural bias.

    However it would be worth studying this so-called racist bias scientifically, because there’s probably more to it than a real racism. After all, I was never told as a kid to avoid making friend or dating any race, religion or even gender, for that matter. Someone telling a guy “sorry, I don’t date blacks” is probably more of a total jerk than necessarily an active or passive racist. There are gays in every segment of the population, so of course you’ll find gays who are dumb, or racist, or nationalist, or voted for Trump, or maybe worse: for Hillary! ;)

  6. Racism? Is there a word used more inflationary than that? What does it even mean to be racist today? But you know what? You wanna call me a racist, that’s fine, I’m a racist, I don’t care any more. But if you think you “won” because of that, look around! If you believe pushing people into a specific corner, will make them think “Oh shit, I’m that, I have to change”, then no, sorry. All you doing is giving this corner more man-power. Congratulation!

    1. Totally agree Marvin. What the fascist ‘thought police’ forget, is the more you try to push people around the angrier they are going to get, and this will inevitably lead to the law of reverse affect.

  7. I disagree. This argument works completely the same way when applied to gender. Thus, dating solely homosexually (or heterosexually) would be discrimination, too:

    “This is where structural homophobia or heterophobia comes into play. Because preferences are actually shaped by learned values. When you’re judging a person based solely on their gender, you’re acting on generalizations you’ve learned to associate with that person’s appearance or gender roles. You can’t say it’s their personality because you shut them down before you even got to know them.”

    It works with basically everything which isn’t the other person’s personality. That’s because the underlying issue isn’t rascism, it’s superficiality. And dating (online or offline) has always been superficial. The key to open people up towards other people is education, good parenting and being as open and friendly as possible towards them – accusing them to be rascist isn’t going to help in any way.

  8. Most of this stuff is peddled by people who wouldn’t know racism if it hit them in the face. I once got “oh, that sounds PROBLEMATIC” when I said I liked fair skinned guys with freckles… to a guy that had fair skin and freckles. He thought I was racist.

  9. Josh, you clearly know how to make your puppets dance for you :D

    Do I disagree with the opinion expressed in that post and its source? Yes.

    Do I throw a tantrum and go all paranoid claiming or at least thinking that the article will now be made into a worldwide applicable law? Of course not.

  10. There is an element to some of the dating/hookup apps that clearly is racism, but simply having a preference for one particular race (what it really comes down to is physical features you happen to find attractive being more common among certain groups) is patently absurd.

  11. Racism or preference? Let’s look at the most basic element: heterosexuality — marriage and reproduction.

    Every ‘race’ has its own “built-in” or instinctive “preference/racism” — it’s pretty obviously necessary for the continuation of any particular ‘race.’ Whites prefer to marry whites and then have children. And that’s the very same for blacks and Asians and all the territorial mixes within each of these (such as Latinos/hispanics). We don’t go around calling most marriages “racist marriages” even though, by definition, they are — or are they? and it’s just their preference.

    It’s very similar to gays — to a degree. But probably more so with gays, appearances, personalities and even politics play a role in desiring and/or selecting a partner.

    At any given time in my life, I could have been called a “racist” (by some ‘whites’) because I prefer more, let’s say color, in my partner — as well as certain physical features. Many years ago, in my 20s, I was in a bar, having a drink and watching the other guys in the bar. I remember concentrating on one particular guy, a Japanese, when I was [annoyed by, hounded, “stalked” — you pick it] by another white guy who I guess was pretty good looking and he kept asking me to dance or offering me a drink (with one in my hand) and asking me questions like my name, age, etc. After about 15 minutes or so of this, I finally looked him in the eye and told him bluntly, “I prefer Asians.” Then he said something derogatory about either me or the idea of liking Asians or anyone else that wasn’t HIM. I said what I did just to get him off my back (which wasn’t totally wrong, either).

    For the record, I’ve been with every race at one time or another and found each one attractive and desirable. I do have a somewhat general preference for Asians and certain Latins, but I can see the attractiveness and sexiness in many different others — including genetic mixes which can make them even more attractive, both physically and personality-wise.

  12. All erotic/romantic preferences that are not based upon the intrinsic human qualities of another person are based upon some linkage with a learned link. Human behaviour abounds in such: blonde hair, taller than me, slim, big butt, black eyes, the list goes on and on. Dating apps, and before that newspaper ads, and before that the matchmaker . . . all try to use these short-cuts to genuine attraction and love. Maybe if we put our combined fetishes/attractions/prejudices together we might fall in love more easily. But here’s the problem: we don’t rationally understand the chemistry of attraction–some would say that we hope we never will!!! I think the MTV piece is sensationalizing and needlessly picking on gay people–everyone is involved in this behaviour! Nevertheless, if you do find yourself liking someone who doesn’t fit your “profile” give it a chance? There’s more to chemistry than appearances.

  13. “preferences are actually shaped by learned values”

    I’ll agree with everyone here that disagreed with this statement (even if each may have different reasons as to why).

    My own would go something like this:

    All preferences are discriminating but not all discrimination is racist (nor shaped on learned values).

  14. Ah, the rich irony of gays confusing sexual orientation with choice. This video presents a good argument based on a false premise. That’s not to say there isn’t racism in the LGBTQ community, or sexism, or ageism. It’s just that what we are sexually attracted to is most nearly immutable. But then I thought acceptance of that fact is what we have been fighting for the past 50 years.

  15. If your cock is racist then it’ll get sent to cock jail. Cock jail is run by Josh. He doesn’t like having to watch over all those fascist cocks, but someone’s got to do it! :)

    1. After I laughed from watching this, I said, ‘Yes, this could have only been posted by whiterabbit.” :-)

      1. Thank you. I have actually been called homophobic, racist and fascist by idiots who disagree with my sense of humour. Mind you, I just call them humourless bastards back. You need a good laugh or you would go nuts sometimes.

    1. Be grateful European teenage boys are just walking around stores in their skivvies. The nutbergers here across the pond are licking Tide Pods laundry detergent and snorting condoms.

      1. I don’t know how you snort condoms? but I have sniffed coke in my time. BTW I don’t mean drugs, cock in Scotland is pronounced coke, so in that case I’ve sniffed, licked and swallowed plenty of “coke” (cock) in my time, especially as a very young teen. lol.

        1. It’s called the condom challenge. Snorting condoms means to insert the damn thing into your nose and suck it through your skull’s ductwork and vents until it comes out your mouth. Well, that’s what it’s supposed to do, however, in more than few cases the rubber gets caught in your windpipe, choking and even suffocation occurs.

          FYI, for what it’s worth, back in the 70s some genius discovered that the bodily emissions of Colorado River toads was a hallucinogen, and that generation went about hunting for these magic frogs and licking the oils off their skin to get high.

          As for me, my drug of choice as a teenager was always … gunpowder.

  16. I am very attracted to ginger /red hair. However, I know many people, especially hetro women, who are in attracted, or even repulsed, by ginger hair.
    Such anti ginger people may be shallow, stupid, and missing out on what could be a great relationship with a “ginger”………..And?

    1. “Such anti ginger people may be shallow, stupid,”

      Not really. What most people don’t know/understand about red[dish]/ “ginger” -haired people is that they are at least slightly albino with regard to their skin pigment (unless they are somehow genetically mixed with much darker skin and haired people). Also, what most people don’t understand is that freckled people have genetically the “ginger[ish]” in them as well. It can be very light or even not noticeable on first look, but look deeper.

      That’s the primary reason that I’m not at all attracted to “gingers” — plus the fact that I am very slightly “ginger-ish” myself. Therefore, I know of what I speak because I looked into it.

      1. Yeah, the gingers and freckled holocaust needs to happen, am I right? Why don’t you just kill yourself and go ahead as a good example for all the other ‘degenerate’ gingers and freckled?

        “What most people don’t know/understand about…” No, retard, most people simply don’t give a shit!

        1. Josh would you please delete or censor the post above?

          Asking someone to kill himself is not something that should happen in this environment.

          1. Yeah, let us talk about Nazi eugenics instead and how we can get rid of the “ginger-ish” in our DNA. The gingers destroy everything, even the freckles are caused by them, Penboy knows that and he is one, so he understands from what he speaks of, he even looked into it! Now, he just has to lead by example. He knows it is the only solution we have, for humanity, so what is your problem?

        2. “Yeah, the gingers and freckled holocaust needs to happen, am I right? Why don’t you just kill yourself and go ahead as a good example for all the other ‘degenerate’ gingers and freckled?”

          You just cemented your rank among the absolute stupid and very immature idiots that come onto this blog. Well done.

        3. Where the fuck did you go to “school”?

          “instead and how we can get rid of the “ginger-ish” in our DNA. ”

          I never said anything like that, nor implied it. I was just explaining the [partial] how and why there is red hair/ginger-ish people.

          You are seriously fucked up and need to learn how to read.

          1. No, the topic was why some people don’t like gingers. And your reaction was that this people (“anti ginger people”) simply know the truth about gingers and their genetics. Then you continue and tell us how that is the reason why you don’t like this genetically inferior (the freckled ones included obviously). But you looked into it, so…

        4. “why you don’t like this genetically inferior”

          You’re a fucking LIAR. I NEVER said anyone with red[dish] hair was genetically inferior. PERIOD.

          Just because I said I don’t prefer them, doesn’t make what I said was “inferior.”

          Learn to fucking READ.

      2. I think you missed my point? I was being ironic regarding those who say it’s racist to prefer one genetic type over the other… My preference is red hair…. My preference is not exclusive but I am bound to find myself more attracted to red heads than most other types… It’s nothing to do with the science behind the genes/dna that result in red hair…


        1. Instead of using the word preference, you could use the word kink.Everyone has one. I suppose that makes everyone kinky?

          1. At my age, “kink” refers to a painful pulled muscle, usually in the back or neck, or some unpleasant manifestation of arthritis.

            Don’t laugh -you’re next. Birth is fatal.

  17. Sexual preference is not possible by way of training nor by way of obedience. You are not born knowing anything one way nor the other.
    1. The fact of mutual horniness obviates eight billion people in the world. The fuck is not a learning. It is a ooompf.
    2. The peculiarities of the every day is what makes other differentia. Get horny and go RUB-A-DUBBING. It is automatic.
    3. You must like what you like. Period. Choices are another matter. ha ha ha

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