Bud Sex: When (mostly) straight guys fuck (each other)

milkboys News & Articles 13 Comments

A University of Oregon sociology doctoral student named Tony Silva interviewed American men to ask them about their sexual habits and identities and published his findings in the journal Gender & Society.

All the interviewees identified as exclusively or mostly straight and they all lived in rural areas of Idaho, Illinois, Missouri, Oregon and Washington known for their “social conservatism and predominant white populations.”

In his background, Silva came across several not-completely-straight terms like “dude sex” (sex between white, masculine “bros” in urban and military contexts) and “heteroflexible” (same-sex encounters of men who predominantly identify as heterosexual).

But his interview also uncovered a new term: “bud sex,” a type of encounter that reaffirms the participants’ heterosexuality by framing their same-sex sexual activity as “helpin’ a buddy out,” relieving “urges” or having sex without sexual attraction (if that makes sense).

He found that these men re-contextualised their same-sex encounters in ways that reaffirmed their own heterosexual identity. Predominantly, they tended to go for other straight-identifying men that didn’t behave effeminate or “flaming.” This way, the men could talk about women together and avoid romantic/emotional entanglements that might involve them more in each other’s daily lives.

That being said, some of these men also did other activities with their same-sex partners — like shopping, having coffee, hiking and hanging out — activities that would imply friendship if not some deeper emotional connection between them.

He reportedly didn’t ask his interviewees how they can have “bud sex” without identifying as gay (though some of his interviewees did identify as “slightly bi”). But Silva says these men may avoid identifying as gay because of “internalized heterosexism, participation in other-sex marriage and childrearing [which could be complicated if they came out as bi or gay],” while benefitting from the enjoyment of straight privilege and culture.

Comments 13

  1. If you’re sucking another man’s dick, you are not straight. You may not be effeminate, most gay men are not, but you have some attraction to dick.

    1. So they are a “1” on the Kinsey scale instead of a zero. They’re still mostly straight. My main concern wouldn’t be so much getting them to admit to being just a bit gay as getting them to be accepting of, or at least tolerant of, the 4’s, 5’s and and 6’s on the scale.

  2. yep, even if the other guy is the one sucking, if you know it is a man you are having sex with, then you must be at least a little bit into ‘Gay’ if you are getting aroused, hahaha ahahah. There are plenty of men I cannot get aroused with because I do not find them attractive, so I am less ‘gay’ than these so-called ‘straights’. (I am bi/pan sexual because I have found knot holes and sand to be attractive-you know you are walking along and there is this sexy fence or ohh that beach is sooo sexy……….)

  3. Is it possible that the guys involved in the study have been convinced that being gay is so bad that they feel they have to identify as straight to appease their parents or family and seek out other “straight” guys who are in the same boat?

  4. You only have to go back one hundred years, not two thousand, to find a time when a masculine man could have another man as a regular sex partner and not be considered queer or a pansy or any other term for gay by other “straight” men. Our universal and eternal truths regarding these matters are really just momentary, regional, class-driven convictions. In the 1950’s it was widely believed that only a fairy would eat pussy; you can find that impossible to believe, but I lived it both in a small town and in New York City. What “straight” men are able to do now or in the future is not written in stone . . . never has been and never will be.

  5. “But his interview also uncovered a new term: “bud sex,” a type of encounter that reaffirms the participants’ heterosexuality by framing their same-sex sexual activity as “helpin’ a buddy out,” relieving “urges” or having sex without sexual attraction (if that makes sense).”

    Those are just bullshit phrases to mask their own homosexuality because religious societies — particularly USA, but so many others as well — like Russia.

    Homophobia takes on many different faces — even if it’s just on the surface to satisfy one’s environment “rules.”

    Backflipboy said it best so far and he’s 100% correct.

    Many of us had sex with “straights” during our teenhood [earlier?] and early adulthood. And the “secret” thing about that is that many of these “straights” were the ‘aggressors’ in these ‘buddy’ relationships and quite often made the first moves — and that includes the necessary eye contacts and “eye acceptance.”

  6. It all depends on your definition of “gay.” Never mind self-identifying straight guys having sex with other guys – that’s just getting off together, (men are pigs) and in the minds of those who do it, it has nothing to do with being gay. To be gay, you have to have a romantic attachment or attraction to your J/O, suck, or fuck buddy. No romance, no commitment, it’s “no homo.” Gay or straight is determined by your relationship orientation, and completely detached from the sexual proclivities shared by all males.

    Sex between men who have nothing more emotional between them than friendship is considered inconsequential, regardless of how ‘far’ it goes – from just jerking off together to anal intercourse – it’s all the same. The paradigm is entirely different from sex between men and women, which is usually fraught with significance. As the old saying goes, girls need a reason, men just need a place.

    Guys fool around with each other because it feels good, it’s fun, and its forbidden which heightens the excitement. And when they’re done, they can go home to their wives and GFs like nothing ever happened. Because nothing did. They just shared an orgasm or two together.

  7. Please stop trying to jam people into boxes all the time. We don’t need to label everyone. Personally, I’m “queer as a three dollar bill”. On the other hand while I was growing up I had sex with all kinds of guys, most of whom are reasonably well adjusted heteros. It’s time to step out of the Judeo-Christian closet, it’s only sex.

    1. Agree. Sex is sex, and given the opportunity or the urge, there are probably cases where people feel that gender matters less. If it was just about sexual attraction or a romance, then sexual orientation would matter more. Just like with the gay-straight scale for sexual orientation, there are several scales and factors for the sexual act that are not about sexual orientation.

    2. “It’s time to step out of the Judeo-Christian closet, it’s only sex.”

      I agree. But, I’d define that as more of the Judeo-Christian STAGE — with most guys vying for the leading roles. There’s no fucking “closet” to them — it’s all the others who have to be in any ‘closets’ — not the least of which are [gnostic] atheists as well.

  8. ‘He reportedly didn’t ask his interviewees how they can have “bud sex” without identifying as gay (though some of his interviewees did identify as “slightly bi”). But Silva says these men may avoid identifying as gay because of “internalized heterosexism, participation in other-sex marriage and childrearing [which could be complicated if they came out as bi or gay],” while benefitting from the enjoyment of straight privilege and culture.’

    It would have been kind of nice if he had asked these questions rather than speculating on them on his own. The “participation in other-sex marriage and childrearing [which could be complicated if they came out as bi or gay]” sounds like a particularly fruitful area to have explored.

  9. This is the best post on this site. EVER. — In this queer guy’s, this writer’s, experience, less than 1/6th of the males do meet as queer / gay / homo are totally STR8. Some are merely out for fun and some are total guy wonts to fuck. Some want love. Some want suicide. Some want violence. Some like having a guy like them sexually, even if nothing happens … do make friends that way. Chaos is an orderliness as all chaos is orderly. Orderliness is chaotic. Think of the craters on the moon. Space stuff crash there rather than here, for example. Do sexually like beautiful guys and do like cute guys with big dicks. Do like dick and beauty. Most human existence is not about sex. Humans also exist as a result of sex. Not all sex is resultant similarly. Orderly chaotic orderliness of a chaos. Such all has no guarantees. Some space stuff lands here on earth despite the solar system things as collectors. ha ha ha.

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