Being asexual

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Asexuality isn’t a complex. It’s not a sickness. It’s not an automatic sign of trauma. It’s not a behaviour. It’s not the result of a decision. It’s not a chastity vow or an expression that we are ‘saving ourselves’. We aren’t by definition religious. We aren’t calling ourselves asexual as a statement of purity or moral superiority.

We’re not amoebas or plants. We aren’t automatically gender-confused, anti-gay, anti-straight, anti-any-sexual-orientation, anti-woman, anti-man, anti-any-gender or anti-sex. We aren’t automatically going through a phase, following a trend, or trying to rebel. We aren’t defined by prudishness. We aren’t calling ourselves asexual because we failed to find a suitable partner. We aren’t necessarily afraid of intimacy. And we aren’t asking for anyone to ‘fix’ us.

From “The Invisible Orientation” by Julie Sondra Decker

efinitions sometimes reveal more by what they don’t say than what they do. Take asexuality for example. Asexuality is standardly defined as the absence of sexual attraction to other people. This definition leaves open the possibility that, free from contradiction, asexual people could experience other forms of attraction, feel sexual arousal, have sexual fantasies, masturbate, or have sex with other people, not to mention nurture romantic relationships.

Far from being a mere academic possibility or the fault of a bad definition, this is exactly what the lives of many asexual people are like. The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), for example, describes some asexual people as ‘sex-favourable’, which is an ‘openness to finding ways to enjoy sexual activity in a physical or emotional way, happy to give sexual pleasure rather than receive’. Similarly, only about a quarter of asexual people experience no interest in romantic life and identify as aromantic.

These facts haven’t been widely understood, and asexuality has yet to be taken seriously. But if we attend to asexuality, we arrive at a better understanding of both romantic love and sexual activity. We see, for example, that romantic love, even in its early stages, need not involve sexual attraction or activity, and we are also reminded that sex can be enjoyed in many different ways.

Read on…

Comments 1

  1. in this guy’s personal experience, there is lots of human love AND love of humans with NO sexual feeling. For this one, the love of boys is not usually sexual, though obviously homosexual. SEXUAL love of boys is not equal to love of boys in particular. Boy choirs sound better than girls and prefer boy choirs …. and prefer them lovingly, NOT sexually sensually. There are boys do find sexually sensual. Some guys do just like and prefer, fuck sex, they are so nice and cute and some times beautiful. Some of the most beautiful boys do ever see are of LOVE but NOT for nor of any genital excite AT ALL. There are many otherwise.
    Is this sexual ? Obviously. Is this genital ? Obviously. Is this sexually genitally exiting ? NO.. Why no females in my survey and purvey ? Have no knowledge.

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