Troye’s Little Lies

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In a not-so-shocking revelation, Troye Sivan talked about how he, like many other queer teens, lied about his age on Grindr to hook up with older men when he was younger.

“All my friends were hooking up with random people at parties, and I just felt so left behind because I didn’t know gay people, I didn’t know where to meet gay people.

I didn’t really want to venture out by myself and so I just did stuff that a 17-year-old boy shouldn’t really have to do. I managed to get a fake ID and then I got Grindr on my phone and started to try to meet people who were like me, but you sort of are forced a little bit into these hyper-sexualized environments, and even though that’s awesome when you’re 17… I didn’t know what else to do.

My heart must have been going a million miles an hour. I don’t remember specifically but, because I was always so small, I was so scared to meet up with people because I was like, ‘I’m going to get killed, I’m going to get murdered by someone.’

When I see photos of myself, from when I was that age, and I think of the guys that I was meeting up with and talking to, I think: ‘Wow, I looked really, really young.’ [It makes me feel] Kind of a little bit creeped-out, but at the same time I really don’t have any regrets. Maybe I wasn’t ever truly scared, just really uncomfortable.

There’s actually a song about it on the album called ’17’… Originally the chorus of the song was ‘Here he comes, like he just walked out of a dream, doesn’t care that you’re 17’. And I was like ‘uh, that sounds a bit predatory’, and maybe it was a little bit. That’s what I mean, it’s like, I’m not looking back at those experiences in a negative or a positive light.”

–Troye Sivan reminiscing about his teenage years to Attitude

Comments 22

  1. I have been watching Troye grow up and mature for years. He gets better looking as he ages.
    I like his new video.

  2. The anonymous part where you haven’t even seen a person or talked with them to get even a little body language or other sense of them is what is spooky to me. I’ve arranged meetups online with minimal contact and have never felt comfortable. Much rather catch someones eye somewhere and strike up a conversation.
    Otherwise, the idea of hooking up quickly seems easy for a young man. It is the connecting that is the desire. And wanting to connect but the difficulty of being out is an all to common refrain.
    I don’t get the “youth” stigma. I don’t “get it” why young people can’t be with older people, as long as they choose and coercion is not involved. I see men coercing women every day, people coercing people so that is the problem, rather than staying within societal categories.
    I hit puberty at 10, so 17 seems very old to me. I don’t buy into the concept of being unable to make a decision, of unable to consent, particularly since homosexual acts are also illegal (technically maybe not at this time in the usa until Pence has his twisted way but still very much almost the same thing since there are plenty of people who are willing to discriminate, and even kill, gays and other “different” people if they think they can get away with it).
    Best wishes to Troye and what he does. And he really should give a shout if he is ever in the neighborhood, I’ll let him buy me a coffee :)

    1. Thanks for the reflection! I will write my own comment as well, but it is good to hear someone speak about their own experience rather than just make comments about the photo.

  3. Thank you Troye.

    We need a lot more gays like him to “come out” about their problems of finding someone they want to meet up with when they [were/are] young[er]. He is exactly right — it’s so difficult for a young gay to discover other young gays in the toxic sexual atmosphere in America (at the very least). Even in ‘liberal’ San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York and others, it’s still can be very difficult to meet someone just as a friend, let alone a romantic parter of any type.

    Along with religion, heterosexuality is FORCED on all children no matter where you live — even if it doesn’t “seem like it.” Even in childrens’ animated movies that doting parents drag their children to see by the millions — in every fucking animated movie, there’s ALWAYS some sort of [at least implied] boy-girl romance. They’re “too young” to observe the “sexual parts,” but hey, the producers don’t waste any time getting a boy to kiss a girl [then in the very next breath, tell them to keep their hands to themselves].

    What can a gay boy or girl do and how can they meet up with another gay or even bisexual young person? They constantly decry: “Watch out for the ‘predators’!” / “Call 911 if someone even a little bit older looks at you for more than a few seconds!” I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but the numbers that it DOES happen is miniscule compared to heterosexual rapes throughout a society. But the older-younger ‘hookups’ get all the legal attention [thanks, catholic churches!]. Parents give their kids phones to help them “stay safe” — yet don’t even realize that those phones are used to find ‘hookups’, let alone give them the ability to view various types of porn and allow them to do ‘sexting’ — then attempt to lock them up for ‘child pornography.’

    With all the media hyping up boy-girl kissing, petting and a lot more through R-rated movies, TV shows, even in the News, is it any wonder we have the “sexual crimes” in our societies? And on top of that, chastise (and worse) any and all perceived gay romances and attempted ‘hookups.’

    I was [and still am] hoping that the legalization of same-sex marriage would/[will] allow our religious-crazed society to have normal young romances betwee same sexes and start ‘promoting’ them even half as much as how we FORCE very young heterosexual romances.

    .

    As sidog pointed out:
    “Much rather catch someones eye somewhere and strike up a conversation.”

    Exactly. And this was the very first sign of the show, The Fosters that led to the eventual, but obvious breakup of “Jonnor.” They never showed the boys’ initial eye contact. They producers/directors/writers weren’t really serious about gay relationships, they just wanted to titilate the younger viewers [and their parents] with very attractive actors and make the money — and of course, try to “stay under the radar” of the powerful religious-right which, with that kiss [4-second peck, really], riled them up like none other [never mind that one of the gay characters was sucking up tongue with an equal {character} age girl — but that was OK, because they were straight kisses.].

  4. Fuck a bunch of Troye. “I was young so it was creepy”. Kids today are so programmed to view anyone over 25 who finds anyone below the age of 25 attractive to be creepy, and if they are under 18 they are pedophiles, this despite the fact that pedophiles by definition are attracted to prepubescents and that humans are genetically inclined to be attracted to youth. In fact, I just stumbled on this fascinating article yesterday.

    https://robertlindsay.wordpress.com/2014/01/15/why-all-normal-men-are-pedophiles/

    Okay, and sorry about saying that about Troye. It’s not his fault. He’s just been raised in this crazy climate and is just as much a victim of it as everyone else.

  5. 😘I’ve loved Troye since day one regardless what our morally repressed society thinks…
    He’s real purty😜!

  6. And yet if someone found out, the person who was lied to would have been punished and could end up as a sex offender.

  7. That Grindr stuff happens a lot. I made a “date” to meet someone for coffee, there were pics on the Grindr site that he sent me but they sure weren’t of his “equipment” as I found out. The face was the same and he looked his real age, not the 18 he had listed on Grindr.

    Luckily the AOC here is 16 and even with that it was a close thing, he was 16 by less than a week. That was months ago and what started as his first ever experience has continued on to far more. I love Grindr, there’s so many guys on it, especially if like me you live near a college.

  8. When Troy says that he felt a little forced I kind of understand what he means. Teens today have more access to sex and sexuality than ever before. This can make them feel pressure to have sex because they believe everyone else is too.
    What teens today can’t understand is the implications that going on grinder and other apps can have. As Kyle rightly said, the person being lied to is the one that has the most to loose. Had someone found out another life could have been ruined forever.

  9. The facts are young gays feel forced and pressured to get with older guys as there aren’t many young gays about to explore sexually with. A lot of older guys no this and do take advantage. Majority of young gays are not sexually interested in much older men. If it was so normal for younger people to be attracted to older people why is it only a real popular thing in the gay community.
    It’s sad because a lot of young gays who are already confused can be damaged and hurt physically and physiologically by older men and have real negative sexual experiences that leave them scared.

    1. “If it was so normal for younger people to be attracted to older people why is it only a real popular thing in the gay community.”

      It ISN’T just in the gay community. Hundreds of millions of heterosexual, and as well, bisexuals ‘play’ the older-younger game as well. And while we’re at it, we can include in the transgenders, and as well — particularly in Asian and Latin environments. We hear and see this all the time from all groups — before in the newspapers (and news shows) and now on the Internet.

      Open your eyes, there’s all kinds of things [sexuality, love] going on in the world today … as yesterday.

    2. “It’s sad because a lot of young gays who are already confused can be damaged and hurt physically and physiologically by older men and have real negative sexual experiences that leave them scared.”

      The very same can be said for partners around the same age. And, as well, an ‘older’ [more experienced] partner can prove themselves an incredibly positive sexual/love experience.

      You’re seeing it way too one-sided. Open your eyes and mental database to more than just potential lawsuits.

  10. I really resonated with Troye’s remarks. When I was that age I looked so much younger! Even at 19 people often thought I was 14 or 15 years old. One summer it was hot, I was horny as hell, I was barely dressed in ripped super short cutoff shorts and tank top and this MUCH older guy was flirting with me and I flirted right back. The problem for me is that I was trying things out faster than what I was really sure about, and the problem for him is that he wanted me bad. I don’t blame him now, but at the time I was scared. (In gay bars, which I got into illegally, there were actual predatory men, by which I mean that I don’t think they gave two thoughts about knowing anything about me except my looks). I don’t think anything is wrong with an age difference, but there can be a vast difference in experience, in knowing clearly what you want, in knowing how to make decisions and live with the consequences. And as a young person, I really didn’t like being an object–desired, yes–but not just an object of desire.

    1. “And as a young person, I really didn’t like being an object–desired, yes–but not just an object of desire.”

      Except for one thing. As with 99.99% of ALL relationships, either straight, bi or gay, “object of desire [i.e., how one looks — facially as well as body type]” is, again, 99.99% of how all relationships start out — one is generally attracted to one’s looks somehow, even if one’s intelligence and/or talent “take over” the attraction cycle.

      You can deny this, but I’m 100% sure you (or him/her) is NOT going to be attracted to a cyclops. Extreme? Yes, but to point out how one looks [in public at the very least] is always the first “hurdle” of any relationship.

      And in a Bar (any kind), then that first hurdle is magnified because of 1) poor lighting and 2) one’s behavior in a public place [designed for meetings and hookups].

      1. Yes, I agree. That is where so much of the tension lies in early relationship — that “inexplicable” attraction, much of it physical/chemical/visual — and navigating through that to the level where two more full human beings can relate to one another. We love the first type of attraction! But don’t want to end up just being another pretty fetish!

  11. If you are honestly going to try and argue that its as prevalent in the straight community as it is in the fay community then I’m sorry but you are either being intentionally dishonest or frankly delusional. No doubt it happens in the straight community but it’s very much a rarity compared to in the gay community where it’s common.
    I’m afraid if you can’t see that and ask yourself why that’s an issue then you yourself need to open your eyes.

  12. With respect I can talk from a position of being a young guy who has experienced some of what I discussed. Being 18 and having contact with many other young guy guys my age almost 90% say exactly the same thing as I’ve said hence why I say it with convincition. Many have including myself had very negative experiences and it’s a case of more have than havent. That may not be what you want to hear but it’s how things are in afraid. It’s a real shame they are but I’m not gonna sugar coat. There’s usually a reason lawsuits exist that’s all I’ll say.

  13. Max:

    If anyone is “delusional” about younger-older relationships, it’ YOU. Are there problems? Of course — BOTH gay and straight. But, ahhhh, you asked, how many? Around 10-15 in your LITTLE CIRCLE of unknowns? And you make a “conclusion” based on your little circle? What are most of those “negative experiences” [of younger] towards those [older] — You didn’t get the money, tech and/or fashion gifts you thought you were going to get [in your jargon, what YOU THINK you “deserve”?]

    What do you think is the basis of so many celebrity and other public figures’ breakups, divorces, alimony cases, etc … ad nauseam that we read about or watch on gossip shows (again, ad nauseam)?

    No, your admitted youth vision simply proved you don’t know jack shit about what’s going on in the world with regard to relationships.

    1. I knew you well enough Penboy to know you’d get your knickers in a twist but I’m sorry to disappoint but I actually volunteer for a charity that investigates and supports young guy people so I’m afraid this is not some tiny circle.
      I’m well aware with what’s going on in the world and unlike you don’t have an allergic reaction to opinions that are different to mine. We all know how close minded you are and how just search for an argument rather than a discussion. Pretty pathetic but that’s you.
      I’m not first one second saying no young person is into older as that’s not true but it’s certainly not as popular as you older guys think and again sorry to disappoint again but never has the reason for a negative experience been because they didn’t receive a gift or money and the fact you mentioned that highlights how manipulative and desperate some older guys are when it comes to trying to convince younger guys that older is what they want.
      You keep thinking that there isn’t an huge issue with older guys damaging younger gays, while I live in the real world and actually try to make a difference.
      Your patronising won’t work on me either Sir.

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