The Boxers that hide your Boner

milkboys Toys 20 Comments

Bloxers solve a peculiar problem—that of the public erection. Not ill-considered municipal sculptures, but something equally embarrassing: the untimely engorgement of the male member. Bloxers boxer shorts are sewn with a special interior panel that deflects “the dreaded public boner” down and to the side, thus hiding it from view.

The folks behind Bloxers call this panel the “Deflector Shield,” and buyers can pick a model with the shield positioned on the left or the right, depending on to which side the gentleman dresses. The shorts are cotton, and the shield is a nylon/elastane mix.

Is this a joke? No. I asked the appropriately-named Chris Woods, one of the people behind Bloxers, whether they were real. He sent me a picture of a prototype, which looks just real enough, including the shield (Chris asked us not to publish the photo, as it doesn’t show the finished design).

bloxers

So who will actually buy these things? “From the interest we have gotten, the demographic that has been most enthusiastic about our product has definitely been teenage boys,” says Woods No surprises there. Teenage boyhood provides just the right mix of social awkwardness and unpredictable tumescence to make Bloxers an essential purchase.

“Most of our buyers however, havecome from an older demographic mainly buying Bloxers as a funny gag gift for friends, not necessarily to solve a major problem they themselves face,” says Woods.

It’s easy to laugh, but it’s also possible that many people will be—if you’ll pardon the deliberate pun—cock-a-hoop with the Bloxers. And Bloxers certainly aren’t the first functional garment that saves embarrassment or changes the way we show our bodies to the world.

The list is pretty long. Padded training bras for young girls might be the closest-related to Bloxers, but we also have all manner of girdles and pressure garments to hide and reshape fat, or more functional items like Always Discreet for women, pads and underwear which absorb urine leaks.

hiding-boner

The one thing that all of these articles have in common is that we don’t like to talk about them. From leak-stoppers through belly-flatteners to Bloxers, we might want their effects, but we don’t want anyone to know about them.

This shame, Woods believes, is what’s behind his Indiegogo campaign’s poor sales (currently at $2,000 of the $20,000 goal). “The teenage boy demographic tends not to buy things themselves but instead they ask their parents to do so for them. Bloxers aren’t exactly something a teenage boy would be comfortable asking their parents to buy.”

To combat poor sales, Woods is trying to get Bloxers stocked in “stores that sell funny gifts.” And this, ironically, may end up making them more available to the teens that need them. Like old folks that buy trekking poles from sports stores instead of walking sticks from, uh, old-people stores, it’ll be a lot less embarrassing for teens to order Bloxers from Amazon than to ask their mom to buy a pair from Indiegogo.

via Fast Company

Comments 20

  1. Penboy United States

    “… that of the public erection. Not ill-considered municipal sculptures, …”

    OK, that was cute and a bit clever. :-)

    .

    “The folks behind Bloxers call this panel the “Deflector Shield,” and buyers can pick a model with the shield positioned on the left or the right, depending on to which side the gentleman dresses.”

    But, what about those who prefer to have their erections (and the prior erecting …) UPWARD — either to the left or right or even center?

    .

    “Padded training bras for young girls might be the closest-related to Bloxers,”

    Padded training bras are for “increasing” the real estate of the [lesser] breasts as well as pushing them upward to present as much cleavage as is possible for the budding flesh. They’re not meant to “hide” the growing breasts, but “add to them”.

    .

    “Bloxers aren’t exactly something a teenage boy would be comfortable asking their parents to buy.”

    Mother (38): “Bobby, I’m going to the mall to get you some new underwear. The ones I see in the hamper are getting worn out. What are you doing with the underwear, anyway? So, what kind would you like me to buy you — boxers, briefs or what?”

    Bobby (15): “I just heard about these new ‘boxers’ called Bloxers. Get me a pair of them so I can try them out, please.”

    Mother: “Bloxers? What in the world is that and what about them makes you want it?”

    Bobby: “Well, …. er …. they’re supposed to help me from … what should I say … well, being embarrassed … in public.”

    Mother: “Whatever do you mean, being embarrassed? What is embarrassing you?”

    Bobby: “Well … you know … don’t you?”

    Mother: “No, What is it you’re trying to tell me? What is it?”

    Bobby: “Well … when things get … bigger … noticeable … like there’s a circus act going on inside …”

    Mother: “Oh, my goodness. You mean when you get ERECTIONS!? You should control your body better than that.”

    Bobby: Getting red as a beet in the face … “It’s something I just can’t help or stop!”

    Mother: “I guess my baby is finally growing up.”

  2. Penboy United States

    I don’t know why you selected that “original” Batman & Robin photo, but Robin was (is, seeing him back then) my all-time favorite “Superhero side-kick” — he was so cute then and even though green isn’t my favorite color for clothes, I did enjoy looking at his shorts …. wishing they were ever so tighter on his hot little body.

    .
    .
    .

    Also, what’s with your editor flagging the American way of spelling words like favorite and color, above? I’m not going to spell the words the “England way” just to please your editor. Hmmmph!

    1. Daveboy Canada

      “Also, what’s with your editor flagging the American way of spelling words like favorite and color, above? I’m not going to spell the words the “England way” just to please your editor. Hmmmph!”

      @ Penboy: Did it ever occur to you Milkboys isn’t an American site? Just because you misspell words in the USA doesn’t mean everyone else does elsewhere in the world.

      1. Penboy United States

        @Daveboy:
        “Did it ever occur to you Milkboys isn’t an American site? Just because you misspell words in the USA doesn’t mean everyone else does elsewhere in the world”

        You really are a bitch this month, aren’t you? Is it too warm up there this month?

        I didn’t misspell any words in my above comments. And, the only reason I said that is because this editor didn’t flag any American spelled words before.

        Chill out ….. and have some pancakes with Maple syrup.

        1. Daveboy Canada

          LOLOL :)

          Well the weather has been incredibly warm, so maybe that motivated me to see if I could get a rise out of you by replying to your dumb comment. xD

  3. horselips United States

    Bloxers are obviously inspired by that other great under-garment innovation : Thunderwear – top and bottom undies made with built-in concealment holsters for your carry gun. They are cleverly shaped and positioned to be discreet, and not ‘print’ your weapon.

    No, Penboy, I don’t own any Thunderwear. My ‘CCW’ guns are all pocket-sized, and they’re in holsters designed to look like wallets, so as not to alarm the hoplophobes.

    1. Penboy United States

      @horsey:
      “Bloxers are obviously inspired by that other great under-garment innovation : Thunderwear – top and bottom undies made with built-in concealment holsters for your carry gun.”

      It’s amazing how you went from “concealing erections” to concealing a gun …. or are you just channelling your inner Mae West?:
      Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

      .

      Well, let me offer my own channelling:
      When I’m good, I’m very good. When I’m bad, I’m better.

      Enjoy!

  4. ilia United Kingdom

    So, girls & women are encouraged to flaunt what they’ve got, but boys and men must hide their assets?!!!!

    What a f***ed-up world and even more f***ed-up mentality!!!!

    And so much for equality!

    I could rant on and on about the insanity of it all, but I think you’re all smart enough to get my point already!

    And, worst of all, unlike in the 70’s, when at least good looking young guys wore clothes that actually showed off their ‘assets’, now us somewhat voyeuristic types are even denied that small pleasure!

    Damn!

    1. Daveboy Canada

      “And, worst of all, unlike in the 70’s, when at least good looking young guys wore clothes that actually showed off their ‘assets’, now us somewhat voyeuristic types are even denied that small pleasure!”

      Very true. Back in the ’60’s most girls wore big pleated skirts and bulky sweaters, etc. to school revealing very little of their body shape, whereas most boys wore snug fitting jeans or pants, T-shirts or a tapered or fitted button up shirt with the top two buttons undone.

      Back in the mid 80’s, I was horrified when I first started noticing guys wearing giant jeans with the crotch halfway to their knees.

      Since then they’ve done a flip, and the young girls go around with the skimpiest outfits looking like little whores, and the boys wear boxers under their giant swimsuits that are almost knee-length. Heaven forbid they show any sign of a bulge, or package.

  5. ヅ ƊℯѵιԼ♥♂ United States

    @pb
    “I’m not going to spell the words the “England way” just to please your editor. Hmmmph!”
    ☞That’d be the “English” way which is proper English from the source. What we,(Americans) write and speak is American English not the ‘Queen’s English’ per se though there are many regional accents across G.B. which sound quite different as are here yet usually when written it remains much the same with some variations. Other than slang, colloquial uses, or certain words; such as boot for trunk, trainer for sneaker, lorry for truck, etc.
    Funny tidbit: the word sneaker was first coined in the 1800’s by a London police officer who created a rubber soled shoe to sneak up quietly on criminals without being heard thus the word ‘sneaker’. In 1887 the Boston Journal of Education said this: “It is only the harassed schoolmaster who can fully appreciate the pertinency of the name boys give to tennis shoes — sneakers”.

    The average American can well handle the English written word without complaint but we all know you’re not average. Not that any of this matters one whit to a ponce such as yourself Lord Penblows! ♡Hugs & Kisses…ƌℯѵιʟ/ devilina

  6. TheBoy United Kingdom

    “Josh pretends to be a journalist but is actually a news aggregate plagiarising an already published piece with only one credit to the original article at the bottom without any sense to adapt it”

    1. horselips United States

      Bingo! Gin! Yahtzee! Uno! Dude, you win the prize for the goddam dumbest fucking comment I’ve seen here since Penboy’s last rant about religion.

    2. Thomas Canada

      He’s doing a better job than 95% of the journalists informing us, dude. Not to mention it’s a lot more entertaining visiting this blog than reading most bullshit scary-sells newspapers articles.

      So he’s doing a great job, useful and unique to my knowledge; now if you think it’s easy and you feel like trying and doing the same or even better, just go ahead. I’m sure Josh doesn’t mind competition in this regard, and neither do I. I only dislike people complaining just for the sake of it, with no idea of the work involved in feeding and maintaining a blog of quality.

      1. Penboy United States

        @Thomas:
        “with no idea of the work involved in feeding and maintaining a blog of quality.”

        Please, only the freshest veggies and fruits. :-)

    3. Thomas Switzerland

      I think I should start selling T-shirts “HEALTHY BOYS HAVE ERECTIONS”

      Why be ashamed of what is good and natural? Fuck the bigots!

      1. Penboy United States

        @Thomas:
        “HEALTHY BOYS HAVE ERECTIONS”

        Very good idea. Another one (based on yours) could be:

        “ERECTIONS = HEALTHY BOYS”

  7. copycat19043 United States

    http://www.getbloxers.com/ is the link. I get to the buy part and decline. The description of the thing seems odd to me. Boys usually hide their chubby by keeping it down or putting it up or getting it sideways anyway, as how explain tighty-whities briefs in the first place. I am too aware of guys simply walking around with their penis sticking out, no hard on or with one or just the penis up and out as if it were a hard, just to show it off, and otherwise simply showing it off, with no interpretation. And I see boys showing it off being public with it as, say, at a bus stop and then on the bus, standing, or such showing it off boys just walking along with no girls around. I get the eye from some enough to understand. Some guys, boy or men, might want this thing. Some need it not. Some would figure a way around it, as some do show their penis off even while thy have crotch protectors on, as I witness at the baseball pros and the Little Leagues. The penis is outside the cup. The bigger the more it will show.
    — I enjoy this post a lot and thank the webmaster for it !!!!

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