Periodical Political Post *31

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Creamy, Soft & Gay!

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Forget bullying, forget discrimination. You know who really got the short end of the stick? Straight guys! You probably have no idea how hard it is to live your life as a straight man. Think about it! You can’t show any emotions beyond rage, you don’t get to have a fashion sense and, maybe worst of all, you can’t even eat ice cream!

Shocking, I know! Living in your li-la-rainbowland of gayness you probably didn’t even realise how privileged you are to be able to enjoy some delicious, soft ice cream melting on your tongue! That sure explains why some straight guys always seem so damn miserable…

Well fuck me

The Queen is not aroused

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…because if she’d be, she would probably get arrested. You’d think the British government would be kind of busy right now. The war in Syria. The economical disaster that the Brexit will bring. Homeless kids. There are plenty of  important issues to deal with. But alas, these things will have to wait because we have another crisis on our hands: People are having sex! They’re watching porn! They’re masturbating!

That is unacceptable of course but worry not, the Brits are on the case! First point on the agenda will be banning teens from sexting as suggested by health secretary Jeremy Hunt. That should be easy, kids are, after all, known for staying the fuck away from everything they’re not allowed to do. Especially during puberty. Good. The world will be a bit safer once we know the wee ones will jerk off to hardcore porn instead of pictures of classmates!

But wait, porn? Why not ban that as well while we’re at it? Because, actually, adults shouldn’t watch that either. Now you can’t clean the whole internet so instead we’ll shame people watching porn by forcing porn sites to verify the age of all visitors with methods that will let us identify them easily. And if that doesn’t work? Back to banning.

Also, let’s make all that super icky stuff illegal. Let’s ban everything that isn’t the missionary position. After all, only criminals are into such perverted acts as spanking or female ejaculation.

But we’ll have to make sure that people won’t secretly circumvent all these sensible measures. So let’s also store Every. Single. Website. any Brit visits for one year. Well, except when they’re politicians of course, they will be exempt from these spying laws since they’re all honourable, decent humans beings.

And don’t even think about using encryption or other security software to get out of this Orwellian nightmare because the UK will, force tech companies to put in a backdoor for them because they just love fucking their subjects in the butt.

Rule, Britannia! (no jerking off!)

Periodical Political Post *29

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  • Trump considers architect of torture program to run CIA
  • Shouts of “white power” at school after Trmp election
  • Author of most racist law in modern US history joins Trump
  • Creationist is Trump’s top pick for Secretary of Education
  • Trump campaign seeds racism at schools study finds

Periodical Political Post *28

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Periodical Political Post *27

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Oh Tommen…

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…you sweet, sweet summer child. It sure seems to be the year of leaks. Bieber, Troye, now Dean-Charles Chapman. And much like the character he portrays on Game of Thrones, the British actor seems to occasionally have trouble with his sexual energy clouding his judgement.

dean-charles-chapman-naked

The little prince who could. Four times sin a row.

Yesterday a video surfaced that was captured on the video chat site Omegle. It shows the 19-year-old actor having a wank with his cousin (who seems to take more than one close look at Dean) and according to 4chan he confirmed the authenticity of the video on his Instagram account. Take that as you will.

dean-charles-chapman-fap-video

Both the thread and the video are gone by now but let’s all take this as a reminder to use common sense when we sext or get off in front of a webcam. The headache the potential aftermath can cause is rarely worth the few seconds of bliss that orgasm might bring. More importantly though, don’t record people without their consent. Duh.

Periodical Political Post *25

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Periodical Political Post *24

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  • Faroe Islands votes in favour of same-sex marriage, mostly
  • Australian PM commits to marriage equality public vote
  • Only Canadian clinic providing surgery to trans people set on fire
  • Ukrainian neo-Nazis threaten ‘bloodbath’ over pride parade
  • A kiss can see trans people branded as sex criminals in UK

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