I’m homosexual and afraid

milkboys Articles 38 Comments

Last week, the internet-famous New York City street photographer Brandon Stanton posted a poignant picture of an unnamed young boy sharing his fears about being gay. “I’m homosexual and I’m afraid about what my future will be and that people won’t like me,” the boy told Stanton for his wildly popular Humans of New York project. Read more…

“I’m homosexual and I’m afraid about what my future will be and that people won’t like me.”

A photo posted by Humans of New York (@humansofny) on

Comments 38

  1. His interesting choice of the word “homosexual” rather than “gay,” and the fact that he’s in New York City where there’s practically an all-year-long gay pride parade, all leads me to think this is a different situation which no one anticipated (except the folks from B4U-ACT who have warned what our culture is doing to boys who like other boys).

    If he’s “homosexual” and afraid of his future then he probably likes only boys, and wonders whether that will not change as he gets older. If I’m right about my educated guess about him, he is correct to worry about that, and Hillary Clinton is technically wrong to tell him that his future will be amazing. If he only likes boys, that’s probably not going to change, and his future will thrust him into uncharted waters where there is little reward, much worry, and certainly no sympathy from anyone.

    Our culture has created a situation which puts boys who only like other boys in a position of great conflict. They can see all around them the signs that not all will be well. The “gay” world offers them little. I for one am pained when I see this. If someone had told me back then what I would go through, I might have ended it all right away. Sometimes not seeing your future clearly is a good thing.

    1. @Wordworth:
      “If he’s ‘homosexual’ and afraid of his future then he probably likes only boys, …… They can see all around them the signs that not all will be well.”

      Ya think? Signs like these, you mean?

      Pastor Punches Kid in the Chest
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q19qRUBj-ic

      ‘Punch Gay Kids’ Pastor Apologizes (Sort Of)
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnzAmDN9pbQ

      Kill Gay People – North Carolina Pastor’s Outrageous Sermon
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uu4q2-nbvrw

      .

      “… and the fact that he’s in New York City where there’s practically an all-year-long gay pride parade, …”

      C’mon, come clean. Are you really a FOX “News” plant in milkboys?

  2. @Wordworth
    “I might have ended it all right away. Sometimes not seeing your future clearly is a good thing.”

    ❦Poor little guy…wish him the best.
    I don’t deny that his road will be hard but I don’t believe it’ll be the same road as many young boys & girls faced years ago. Not saying that there won’t always be bullies and those who hate freely all who are different but things are slowly changing especially in the schools, the home front and even the government. Those who never would accept homosexuals and even transgenders before are now seeing them as valuable productive members of society capable even of raising great kids, now that wasn’t possible years ago but it’s quite the the norm now.
    I think with good parents, teachers, schools, and a few trusted friends behind him he’ll do as well as he can in this situation and cross each bridge as he comes to it.

    Just think, if you hadn’t stuck it out long as you did we may not have been seeing you here at milkboys Mr.Wordsworth. There’s many of us that felt the same as you, some won some lost the battle but the object is to help as many as possible like this fearful young boy to survive being just a touch different but still uniquely quite human.

  3. This photo nearly brings me to tears. I truly feel for this boy and what he’s going through and I think what he may just be thinking. I had similar thoughts when I was his age.

    .

    @Wordworth:

    Are you serious with that post? Trying to posit that he’s some type of pedophile …. at his age? Or has your view of “feminism” taken complete control of your brain and are now locked forever in some girdle?

    How about this? He uses the word homosexual because he’s been taught that and/or a parent (or both) continually used that word to describe something/someone that they [probably] “hate”. Or, maybe he’s just a bit “geeky” and prefers to use the “correct” word instead of the culturally accepted word?

    When I was growing up, “gay” was just becoming in vogue and only used by certain people or by certain (very few) media. “Gay” was a term used by the “underground” in the very beginning so that we (gays) could identify each other “secretly” without the general population (and media) knowing what we were talking about and therefore give away our identity in any type of public conversation.

    Homosexual was the correct and preferred term to use for same-sex attraction and sexuality until later when the general media started using “gay” because of the burgeoning homosexually inclined media (and porn, which was more “soft porn” in this decade).

    He’s still a boy who has discovered at his early age that prefers the company of and is attracted, sensually as well as sexually, other boys. That doesn’t make him a “pedophile” in any way. And how can you “predict” what ages of males he will prefer in a later time when he probably doesn’t know that himself at this stage of his life?

    Your sense and thoughts of “feminism” is choking your mind from what is more likely the truth.

    Again, I have empathy for this boy and hope he can come to terms with his feelings now and how our country will accept him for who he is and his accomplishments in the future.

    1. Yes, the purpose of my post was to contemplate exactly that situation, if he likes boys and not men or women, which would most likely lead to him continuing to like boys as an adult. On the flip side, if he’s gay, then he likes men; and what does our culture tell him about 13yos who like adult men (it says they’re victims of rape, not capable of consent)? The feminist bent of LGBT promotes the belief that he should like boys for now, and switch to men later, but life simply doesn’t work that way for most guys… and besides, a 13yo boy doesn’t care what some middle aged woman thinks he ought to be interested in. If he’s really gay he’s probably out there trying to have sex with men, under shady circumstances, or wishing he could do so.

      Gay boys are generally attracted to men in their late 20s, and they tend to figure that out on average at age 10. They tend to label themselves when they’re a bit older. If you ask the same of men who are attracted to boys, you will find that they distinguish their orientation in the early teen years as well. There was a whole section of B4U-ACT dedicated to discussing the issue of boys who like other boys, especially because they have disproportionately fallen victim to FBI raids. In today’s young generation some may identify as gay moreso than 20 years ago (especially given the existence of Milkboys), only to arrive in their college years with an identity conflict.

      Most boys who are are attracted to boys end up straight and married, unless they’re in places like parts of Afghanistan where they may continue to express their attraction to boys. Meanwhile men elsewhere in the world sublimate those feelings into guilt.

      Obviously we can’t tell from a one sentence description what’s going on in this particular boy’s case, but I don’t think it matters to my argument.

      I feel that it’s disingenuous of us to give support only to 13yo boys who stay within the neat (and highly fictional) confines of feminist ideology. The boy which people are thinking of when they read this is fictional. The real boy in the picture is seeing that everyone’s support for him is shallow, politically correct, unrealistic, irrelevant to him. He sees that we walk around pretending things make sense when in fact – whether he likes boys, or he likes men – nothing in our culture’s feminist beliefs makes any sense to him about our supposed support for him.

      1. @Wordworth:
        “… 13yo boys who stay within the neat (and highly fictional) confines of feminist ideology.”

        Oh, please, please! Tell us what that is …. I can hardly wait. I can only imagine what you think that is compared to all of us who have lived through our own life experience including our incredibly diverse puberties.

        Oh, pray tell! [pun intended!]

        1. Diverse puberties for males only (you should hear some of the stories I’ve heard about males’ sexual development), which don’t negate the trajectories of the masses. Males are mother nature’s throw of the dice. Women and orientation identity however, a different story. In feminism, boys are generally sexless, powerless victims, who may be “gay” or “straight” or “bi” but their sex organs only turn magically at age 18, and are subject to irrevocable damage if an older person looks at them with wandering eyes. Unless you’re Germaine Greer, in which case there’s no damage if an older woman is doing the looking (or the touching).

  4. This is probably the most heart-rending (for me) photo you’ve posted in at least a year.

  5. A thought I just had is that he might not be “homosexual” — the way we think of it. Maybe he just has a crush on a schoolmate (or other close boy friend) and because of the way his parents/church/school labels “gays”, he is depressed in thinking he is that way but it could be he just has a temporary crush and he might start liking girls later in a romantic way.

    Many boys who have crushes on other boys such as a slightly older schoolmate, aren’t “homosexual”, they just experience the closeness that two boys have who might even be “best friends”.

    1. Hi I wanted to say to you I don’t think I totally agree with you, I’m 12 and I know that I’m gay and that I understand what homosexual means. I know that I like to be with boys my age but I am not having sex with them. I have been teased at school for a long time because the kids say I act gay. But I do not think that I like older boys particularly I like boys who are 12 and 13 and that are in my class.

      1. @Isaiah:
        “Hi I wanted to say to you I don’t think I totally agree with you, I’m 12 and I know that I’m gay and that I understand what homosexual means.”

        Welcome to milkboys, Isaiah.

        I’m glad you feel that way and I suspect that MOST boys around your age does as well.

        BUT, my response that you replied to was just a thought regarding the above photo posted by this blog, NOT what I believe most boys feel or think. None of us knows what’s really going on in that boy’s head other than him, of course. And I was just pointing out that not all boys who might have a crush on another boy are “homosexuals.” Many times, best friends can lead to closeness that can involve physical affection (you can fill in the blank here).

        .

        “But I do not think that I like older boys particularly I like boys who are 12 and 13 and that are in my class.”

        Thank you. That is the very point I was trying to get across to Wordworth.

        I also agree with everything you said if regarding other boys as well.

        Maybe you just clicked on the wrong reply? :-)

        Again, welcome.

  6. For readability:

    @Wordworth:
    “Yes, the purpose of my post was to contemplate exactly that situation, if he likes boys and not men or women, which would most likely lead to him continuing to like boys as an adult. On the flip side, if he’s gay, then he likes men; and what does our culture tell him about 13yos who like adult men (it says they’re victims of rape, not capable of consent)?”

    What’s going on inside your head? No, … really!

    How about this: He says he’s homosexual — that simply means he prefers the same gender/sex …. for whatever reason, we’re not sure. It may be for romance, friendship, support …. or whatever.

    While we’ll probably never know, I’m going to assume he finds “his age” attractive for the above reasons which could include 1 or 2 years younger, his age or even 1-3 years older (and this is just a generalization).

    But I will NOT “generalize” that just because he used the term, “homosexual” that he’s a potential “pedophile”.

    You really need to understand the variances of word usage. He could be English or other “formal” Anglo in which his family uses more “proper” words and not the typical slang others use so of course he mimics.

    .

    “Gay boys are generally attracted to men in their late 20s, and they tend to figure that out on average at age 10.”

    Where do you get this crap? Gay boys can be and are attracted to a variety of ages, not the least about the same age as themselves. And they don’t necessarily “tend to figure that out on average at age 10.”

    At his age [as a boy], I was attracted to other boys around my age. Only when I was into my late 20s did I consider [much] younger men or older teens.

    I think you need to seriously change your reading habits to form your psychological inner being.

    .

    “Obviously we can’t tell from a one sentence description what’s going on in this particular boy’s case, but I don’t think it matters to my argument.”

    It matters a huge amount. Assuming his statement is correct, [I feel] he’s obviously feeling depressed because of either his family’s reaction [not necessarily to him, but to gays in general] and/or what he sees and hears from society in general. And, either when the photographer asked him about his feelings or he just felt comfortable around the photographer enough to just blurt his true feelings out. And he could even be feeling “repercussions” after learning about the Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage … because maybe he thinks he might want to marry another man. If younger children can have opinions about the SCOTUS ruling, why couldn’t he as well?

    1. The “crap” I get is from published studies. :-) Sure, gay boys are interested in a variety of ages, but the average target age which studies found is 27 (to be exact). I can’t recall if the average onset of this sexual attraction is 8.5 or 10.5 but it’s in that range, roughly coinciding with adrenarche. Yes, it is common for one’s age interests to expand (I think I even said so) as one gets older, but not common for it to “rachet” up as feminists would like i.e. leaving behind what today would be considered age-inappropriate attractions. Yes this boy’s language makes it difficult to tell what he is really attracted to. Yes he may be depressed over the right wing’s opposition to gay marriage. At the same time, in the world there are a much greater number of boys who are interested in boys, who are not going to become gay adults, and whatever Hillary Clinton and others want to say in support of this particular 13yo, “love is love” unless you’re 13 and your love is for a 25yo. “Love is love” except when you’re a 14yo who knows that they’re still going to like 14yos when they’re 25. “Your future is going to be amazing” but in a bad way, if you live in involuntary celibacy because of that, or if you aren’t celibate but then get on a sex offender registry. “Always love yourself” is difficult to do when society considers you the scum of the earth. It’s a disingenuous sentiment to say to this kid that we’re there for him because he’s gay. Clearly our culture is only supporting him on the surface.

        1. It may take me a while to put links together for you, but in the meantime, Rind’s papers in response to the failed DSM revision would be a good starting point if you can find them. By my last count there are 12 studies on early gay attractions and I think in one of his many papers he reviews them.

          1. Still waiting …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

          2. If you’re serious about finding out where I got the numbers, you could start with these which include reviews of research on early attractions and experiences gay men when they were boys:

            http://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1010210630788

            http://www.lcoastpress.com/book.php?id=430 (the part by Bruce Rind, which is a lengthier version of the paper below)

            http://emilkirkegaard.dk/en/wp-content/uploads/Rind-Bruce-and-Richard-Yuill.-Hebephilia-as-Mental-Disorder-A-Historical-Cross-Cultural-Sociological-Cross-Species-Non-Clinical-Empirical-and-Evolutionary-Review.-Archives-of-sexual-behavior-2012-1.pdf

  7. Hi my name is Isaiah and I wanted to post this for you I am using a family account because I’m not old enough to have one. I am 12 years old and I am gay I believe it is okay to be gay some people tell me that I’m old enough to understand that but I am. My mother and father and my grandfather all support for being gay. The most important thing is if your family support you everything will be okay.

    1. @Isaiah:
      “I am 12 years old and I am gay I believe it is okay to be gay some people tell me that I’m old enough to understand that but I am.”

      Again, welcome! and thanks for offering us your opinion!

      I agree that you’re old enough to understand the “basics” of homosexuality. As you physically mature, you will mentally mature as well and understand even more the nuances that you may not fully understand right now. Don’t rush anything, it will come to you naturally.

  8. The boy is sad now, but he will probably grow up happy and gay when he realizes it’s not such a big deal any more (in many countries such as the US or Western Europe) and he finds out how supportive people will be about his sexuality. I don’t follow all the discussion in previous posts about whether he will grow up a pedophile or not; and the term ‘boy’ is obviously misused by the gay community to mean ‘young man’. How can anybody predict whether he will prefer younger or older when he matures, or indeed grow out of this ‘phase’? I hope he enjoys life and he probably will when he’s a bit older.

  9. ❦Lord help us, he likes boys not girls. He’s probably crushing on some boy in his class same as his hetero seat-mate is now crushing on some girl. Yes he may look at men in a mag or on TV and daydream about him but same goes for the other boy about some older girl or woman he may see.

    Only difference, odds are the gay boy will need to keep all this secret though he seeks the same as all of us, the need for love and companionship. Even friends are risky not knowing who he can trust and not willing to give himself away, forced to stay beneath the radar for his own safety which makes each day a lonely trial for him.

    Let’s just wish him and all the other confused and questioning youth out there the best and hope their paths gets easier in the future.

    1. Lord help us, he likes boys not girls.”

      Just how the fuck is “lord” going to help in any way?

      Bring it on.

      1. @ Lord Penboy
        “Just how the fuck is “lord” going to help in any way?”

        ☞Put that there just for you!

  10. I have no idea how much the photographer knows about his subjects (like this boy) either during or after he photographs them, but it would be great if he did a follow-up photo of this boy, preferably with him smiling or at least not being as sad as he is in this photo.

  11. This photo has received a comment from Ellen:

    The Ellen DeGeneres Show
    Not only will people like you, they’ll love you. I just heard of you and I love you already.”

    It could be nice if she has ‘her people’ working on this and maybe have this boy on her show.

  12. I am a bit surprized that he feels so marginalized in a place like NYC which is very tolerant. One does not know the background though or if the photo and the line is genuine rather than staged. Of course at that age many boys who are different: sensitive, maybe a bit effeminate can be mercilessly bullied. Kids can be the cruelest creatures on earth. Hopefully as he gets older and mixes with open minded people things will get better.

    1. @Matteob:
      “I am a bit [surprised] that he feels so marginalized in a place like NYC which is very tolerant.”

      Why? New York isn’t any different than areas where you live. I definitely know there are places/’pockets of society’ in your area that [gays] are marginalized — and the reasons are the same there that it is in New York or any other place in America, particularly so in our ‘bible belt’.

  13. P.S And Penboy do you have to bring religion and your particular world into everything you say? I find your comments offensive. I go to a Methodist Church in England which has had gay pastors and accepts EVERYBODY. We offer unconditional love to those with faith or none, gay straight or whatever. I am sad you have so much hate. We run food banks and ask no questions.

    As I said if this kid is having difficulties I very much doubt if it is about religion. Kids bully others who are different. I was bullied as my dad drove a Ford not a Mercedes (went to a posh school), wore NHS spectacles, was useless at sport, my hair wad too waivy and because maybe I was a little eccentric. I talk to a guy who i met here who had to move state because of homophobic bullying that ended up with him suffering a ruptured spleen. That was because he was different: half asian, gentle, a bit fem.

    1. @Matteob:
      [from above, I forgot this:]
      “One does not know the background though or if the photo and the line is genuine rather than staged.”

      Your supposition is immaterial and irrelevant. It’s not for you to call the photographer a liar if you don’t have any proof otherwise. So we must accept this statement as it’s put to us. You’re just trying to defend [your?] religion because religion is the most obvious and likely reason this boy would be reacting to his feelings. And you have no intelligent defense against this because it’s been proven time and time again.

      .

      “P.S And Penboy do you have to bring religion and your particular world into everything you say?”

      Uh, yeah. Because religion is the number ONE reason for societal bullying against gays and those perceived to be gay — and that’s not any “conjecture,” IT’S FACT.

      .

      “I find your comments offensive.”

      I speak from EXPERIENCE. As for YOU being “offended”, I don’t give a shit. I speak out against “god”/religion ideologies, not individual people. That YOU appear to be nothing more than another vehicle for the “cause” of stupid and religion, that’s YOUR problem, not ours [sane people who won’t believe in supernatural LIES and STUPIDITY].

      .

      “I go to a Methodist Church in England …”

      Duh, why is that NOT any surprise? And you seriously think your churches are operated the exact same way here, in America?

      .

      “… which has had gay pastors and accepts EVERYBODY”

      How is it you’re so damn stupid to arrive at any conclusion that just because YOUR PARTICULAR CHURCH may accept “everybody”, that ALL CHURCHES AND RELIGIONS do as well (and I’d be willing to bet that YOUR church isn’t all that inclusive, as well, just because they say so in public — and it means nothing to me even if they “do”)? “We run food banks and ask no questions.” — So it APPEARS TO YOU ON THE OUTSIDE. Are you with them every step of the way — the decision making, the preparations, the serving, the conversations with EVERYONE who ‘partakes’ of these food banks? No, you aren’t. Churches don’t do these things without any sort of

      .

      “As I said if this kid is having difficulties I very much doubt if it is about religion.”

      That shows just how brainwashed you are about religion[s] (here and there). Why is it do you think that gay teens get bullied for being gay (he did say he was ‘homosexual’ according to the statement)? Other teens bully them because of what they’ve been taught by their parents, schools, churches and elements of societies in general. And that is passed down from generation to generation because of religion. UK is no different than America in this regard — it’s just “less so” in UK, but still there. The real question you should answer is this — When will you finally realize that everything said about “god” in that hoax of a book IS FALSE?

      And you just stated so, “I talk to a guy who i met here who had to move [state ?] because of homophobic bullying that ended up with him suffering a ruptured spleen.” Again, if you can’t see this, it shows just how brainwashed you are — trying to defend religion to the very end. And, btw, if it was homophobic bullying, then it wasn’t for being “half [Asian], gentle” — do you think Bruce Lee was ever bullied for being “Asian, gentle” when he moved here to San Francisco? (Btw, did you catch that sign of respect for Asians?)

      So, why did you even bring up cars and “spectacles” when you knew his problem was homophobia?

      “… and because maybe I was a little eccentric.” OK, call it what you will, but I doubt that I would call it “eccentric”. You religious continuously deny that RELIGION IS THE PROBLEM, NOT A “CURE” when it’s been proven time and time again that IT IS THE PROBLEM.

      1. Sorry, I forgot this:
        Churches don’t do these things without any sort of “profit motive” which includes more people to (hopefully) attend their churches and “spread their word” if possible. Also, churches don’t do these things without any credit from the government. Over here it’s “non-profit” and “tax-exempt” statuses to hide their true income (profits). [I just Googled UK churches and they have very similar privelege.]

      2. Sorry, this is what I meant:

        So we must accept this statement as it’s put to us. You’re just trying to defend [your?] religion because the results of religious indoctrination handed down through generations is the most obvious and likely reason this boy would be reacting to his feelings.

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